Pressing Pause: The Mindful Parent’s Secret Weapon
By: Jessica Faith Graham
Published October 21, 2025
If you’ve been a parent for more than a day, you know parenting is full of moments that test your patience – some days, it feels like you barely pass the test. We often tell our kids that in order to get better at something, they need to practice. The same goes for us as parents. When it comes to responding calmly to a stressful moment in parenting, taking a moment to pause can help us be more mindful in our response. It’s something many of us struggle with, but like any skill, we can get better at it if we practice.
As a mother, I often reflect on myself and my interactions with others in an effort to grow personally and be the best version of myself. But there’s one specific area that I work on every single day to achieve that goal: mindfulness. At its core, mindfulness is about being fully present and engaged in the moment you’re in.
The pause is a simple mindfulness technique that has been a game-changer for me as a parent. It is just as it sounds: taking an intentional pause, a chance to stop, breathe, note the thoughts or feelings happening at the moment, and then decide how to respond. It creates a space for an intentional action instead of a quick reaction. During the testing moments of parenting, it has allowed me to connect with a more mindful approach.
There’s a reason mindfulness is often referred to as a practice. Due to the complex nature of our brains and our natural tendency to get stuck in thoughts of past or future events, mindfulness is not a state that comes naturally to humans. However, it is well worth the effort and practice it takes. The same is true for the pause.
How to Practice a Pause
The pause is a simple mindfulness skill you can practice throughout the day to get grounded, reset your mindset, and focus on what's happening now. Like any skill, the more you practice, the easier it becomes to use this tool in the moment.
When stress creeps in, your muscles may tighten, and your jaw may clench. Your voice may also get louder, seemingly uncontrollably. PAUSE.
PAUSE to become present.
PAUSE.
Breathe in – 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.
Breathe out – 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
Do it again if you need to.
And again, if you need to.
Describe what you’re doing out loud to yourself and to your child, modeling mindfulness so they can internalize this practice as well: “I am pausing. I am taking a deep breath.” In your moment of pause, you can gain more clarity and consider what else might help you. You can remember what is important to you and choose to respond in a balanced, calm, and kind way.
The pause helps you to reset. It stops you from repeating the old pattern of reacting in a way that no longer serves or aligns with you.
If you’re starting fresh, I recommend first practicing when you’re not stressed. For example, if one morning you’re happily sipping your coffee while watching your toddler play independently, this would be a great moment to practice the pause and soak up the good. The more experience you have in times that are not stressful, the more easily this skill will come to you when you are feeling tense, angry, or overwhelmed.
A friendly reminder from one human to another. There is no perfection. There is only doing and living. Give yourself the grace to know that you are practicing a new skill. Like any new skill, it will take time and practice. Don’t give up. Keep using your power to pause.
The Impact of the Pause – Modeling it for Children
I recently modeled the pause with my children during a disagreement. They had created a game together but couldn’t agree on the rules. The disagreement quickly devolved into yelling and tears.
My first instinct was to meet them where they were emotionally and yell to get their attention or separate them to stop the arguing. Instead, I turned to the pause to help me de-escalate the situation.
I sat with my children and explained that we were all going to take a pause. This was not a punishment but a moment for us to calm down and figure out how to solve the problem.
To be entirely honest, my efforts were met with resistance at first. All three of them got defensive and wanted to explain their side of the story, but I leaned into the process and continued to model a calm and gentle demeanor. I took deep breaths. After a few minutes, they joined in, and all three of my kids relaxed. They were able to take turns explaining their points of view, and together, they found a solution they could all agree on. What an incredible skill to teach our children: future leaders, mentors, spouses, and parents.
The pause sounds like a simple practice. And truthfully, it is. But it’s hard for many of us to do in the moment. Practicing the pause can have a profound impact on how we show up as parents. By responding to each stressful moment with a pause, we are choosing not only a calmer response, but to be more present and intentional with our parenting. And as with anything, the more we practice, the more natural it will become. Throughout the process, we will build a deeper connection with our children and a more mindful connection with ourselves.
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